Aww..you sound sooo defeated. I agree with Scott there could be way more to this. Losing love is very hard and we can hang on too the pain torch far too long than necessary. I know I did in the past and thats when my drinking really started getting out of hand. I self medicated with alcohol because the pain was blinding. I was much younger then and didn't believe in helping hands like therapy and antidepressants. Sure wish I had or maybe I wouldn't be on this forum today. In hindsight I really wish I had gotten professional help when I was much younger. Years have been wasted that perhaps didn't need to be. If your gut is telling you an older sponsor is what you need..that's what you need. I wish you strength in getting up the gumption to ask someone you think would be helpful. In the meantime..stay close around here because you're needed. I'm glad I read your post today...it helps me too