TypicalDrunk

Hey all,

I am just over 5 months sober and I am severely depressed and lonely. I know that this is not abnormal but two days ago I almost convinced myself that taking that first drink would not be much of a problem. My justification was "people relapse all the time, I should be entitled to at least one relapse." Yea, insane. I managed to convince myself not to take the drink by looking up famous people that are recovering alcoholics. For some reason that made me feel better about my current standing. The deeper problem is that I am very depressed. In fact, I am so depressed that I have been sleeping my life away to avoid confronting my issues. I know that I am supposed to confront my problems but that is kind of complicated because I have no clue what the hell is wrong with me. A couple of months before my last drink I was abandoned by a girl I loved. She ended the relationship and I haven't talked to her since. I figured with time, I would get over her. I mean, I have had my heart broken before but for some reason the pain from the break up is just as fresh today as it was 8 months ago. On top of that, I have no motivation to be a productive human being. I manage to go to meetings probably once a week, I haven't talked to my sponsor in months because I feel he is too young to be a role model for me. I have been too nervous or shy to ask the people that I would actually want to sponsor me to do so at meetings. I can't approach people. I cant even talk to people sober or be around them for that matter without being overly anxious. I want to get better. I want to be productive and happy. I am tired of being depressed. If i have to live like this in sobriety, hell I don't see the point in staying sober.