Robby-
None of your questions are too intrusive and I welcome your input. The one thing that I am absolutely sure of every day is that "life is good".
I am constantly reminded of how "short and sweet" it really is (as are all of us) and as my mom says "this is not the dress rehersal". I have always been a "live life to the fullest" type person. Of-course for many years now (actually almost two decades) that also allowed me to justify my drinking.
I have no "strong sober identity". I have never been sober for any real length of time. If I hit 100 days that will be my longest stretch of sobriety in almost 14 years.
GT-
I dont think I was prepared for all the changes that sobriety brought. Especially with my mom. However, when I look at it the way you see it... as forming "complex adult relationships" I get it. Also, (Of-course I have the book...lol) the "co-mingling of beasts"...
Yep that is
EXACTLY what it is. That is
exactly why I can't imagine being at the BBQ without a drink in hand. It is not me doing the imagining. It is my beast. It is taking advantage as much as it can of my current thinking patterns regarding my mom. Thank you for pointing that portion of the book back out to me. I need to do a re-read and let me just say that was a great catch. You saw the beast activity when I missed it. My beast is lonely. I am not lonely. That is a lightbulb moment for me.
my relationships were developing into more complex adult relationships, instead of being a static level of "running with the pack" in an altered state that reduced my thinking to an unfortunate level of stupidity, sometimes nostalgic and emotion-laden, but still, stupidity.
Yep. That pretty much sums it up.
Wow...how did I not catch this? So much beast activity.... Thank you GT so very much.
fini-
the new normal" which is anything but "normal" right now.... I think that I have a skewed view of what normal is. Never lived life "normal" but damn I am trying.
((Non))-
I am just so glad your back. I honestly dont need another trip to the "dark side" but, I did need the reminder. Thank you. You are a very strong person and full of insight. The idea of drinking is far better than the reality.
Wow.... You all really do "get it". I am so lucky to have all of you to help me along the way. I am very moved by all your responses.
I now see that my beast is simply doing what it does. It knows I am feeling wimpy and it is taking full advantage. It's the one saying "wasnt it fun?". I know it wasn't fun. It was blackouts, regrets, hangovers and self-loathing. That is the truth. The rest is lies.
My mom just got cleared by her cardiologist to undergo the biopsy so... I still know nothing. That sucks. However, I do feel much more emotionally stable than I have in the past few weeks. Of-course knowing me it probably wont last....my boyfriend always says that all women are crazy. It is just differences in the extent.... :rotfxko I think he may be right.
Thanks again to you all.... Maybe now I should get to work and focus on the "now".
Jess