I always knew I had an addictive personality and that I used substances and behaviors to "escape" life and uncomfortable feelings. So for decades I was vigilant against booze and drugs. Then...life happened, a LOT of life happened at once and I decided "hang it"...most people my age drank to relax, why shouldn't I? And I let my guard down and in no time at all I was out of control. Being drunk/high became my new hobby. All encompassing.I surrendered to it, then pursued it with a sick passion.