Hi Wendie,
I can completely relate to your story, the blackouts, the embarrassment and shame the day after, the anxiety, not being able to imagine a life without alcohol. I am sorry you are going through this - don't be too hard on yourself, it takes a lot of strength and courage to admit you have a problem and reach out to others. I have been met with so much kindness, good advice and support on this site, and feel more secure in my sobriety than I have done on all previous attempts.
Be kind to yourself and take one day at the time. It is important to try to create a "safety net", something which can catch you when the cravings set in. I find that telling a few close people that I trust has been very helpful, keeping a journal to track triggers and learn from relapses or "weak" moments, and most importantly to think of sobriety as part of a general recovery, taking care of body and mind.
All the best to you,
S