My story ) =
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Jamestown, NY
Posts: 6
My story ) =
I woke up today and just knew it is time to face this addiction! I feel it in my gut! I am an alcoholic. I can no longer make excuses for myself. I keep excusing my drinking with things like; I'm stressed, depressed, gaining weight, bored, celebrating a birthday or success, etc. There is no excuse that justifies drinking 3 or 4 times a week and getting pretty drunk at least two of those days and very buzzed the others. I crave drinking every other day. And the days I'm not craving are probably because I feel sort of crappy and curing a hangover.
Yesterday I drank a margarita at 10 A.M to help my hangover from Friday night. Then we had a couple more at lunch, and at dinner. My husband drinks too but he has control and stops before he gets really drunk and only drinks on the weekend. He actually probably wouldn't if I didn't. After dinner I thought I felt fine and we went four-wheeling in our woods and over to my sisters. Then shortly into the visit I basically hit a brick wall(suddenly drunk). On the ride home I was swerving everywhere, almost hit trees, and ended up hitting our dog. She is fine thankfully. I was slurring my speech and my husband screamed and yelled at me. He left his wheeler in the woods and drove us home on mine. Ugh, how embarrassing. I don't remember the rest of the ride home and barely remembered the other details until talking to my husband this morning. My sister stopped to check on us to make sure we got home okay because I wasn't texting her back. I have zero memory of her coming. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. I hate blacking out and showing such a disgusting side of me. I feel sick this morning, emotional, exhausted, depressed, short fused, and absolutely tired of being this person!
I am a functioning alcoholic and I want to be a better person. I feel so sad and embarrassed that I have let this happen to me. I knew that my odds were great since it is in both sides of my family and almost all of my family are alcoholics. My mother made my life hell as a child due to her sickness and I am drinking like a fish as a mother too. I am a good mom and good wife but obviously I am operating on less that what I should be. It's so hard when I crave it and I have even gone to lunch by myself just because I need to have a few beers. Then would continue when I got home. I can't even remember the last time I went more then a few days without drinking. I was a moderate drinker until something big happened that emotionally devastated me and it has just increased steadily for the last year. Now I am lost and have no idea how to CHOOSE not to drink when I am craving it. My husband is of no help and just gets angry instead of supportive. I feel so alone, ashamed, and like I want to crawl in a hole and hide!
Wendie
Yesterday I drank a margarita at 10 A.M to help my hangover from Friday night. Then we had a couple more at lunch, and at dinner. My husband drinks too but he has control and stops before he gets really drunk and only drinks on the weekend. He actually probably wouldn't if I didn't. After dinner I thought I felt fine and we went four-wheeling in our woods and over to my sisters. Then shortly into the visit I basically hit a brick wall(suddenly drunk). On the ride home I was swerving everywhere, almost hit trees, and ended up hitting our dog. She is fine thankfully. I was slurring my speech and my husband screamed and yelled at me. He left his wheeler in the woods and drove us home on mine. Ugh, how embarrassing. I don't remember the rest of the ride home and barely remembered the other details until talking to my husband this morning. My sister stopped to check on us to make sure we got home okay because I wasn't texting her back. I have zero memory of her coming. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. I hate blacking out and showing such a disgusting side of me. I feel sick this morning, emotional, exhausted, depressed, short fused, and absolutely tired of being this person!
I am a functioning alcoholic and I want to be a better person. I feel so sad and embarrassed that I have let this happen to me. I knew that my odds were great since it is in both sides of my family and almost all of my family are alcoholics. My mother made my life hell as a child due to her sickness and I am drinking like a fish as a mother too. I am a good mom and good wife but obviously I am operating on less that what I should be. It's so hard when I crave it and I have even gone to lunch by myself just because I need to have a few beers. Then would continue when I got home. I can't even remember the last time I went more then a few days without drinking. I was a moderate drinker until something big happened that emotionally devastated me and it has just increased steadily for the last year. Now I am lost and have no idea how to CHOOSE not to drink when I am craving it. My husband is of no help and just gets angry instead of supportive. I feel so alone, ashamed, and like I want to crawl in a hole and hide!
Wendie
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: London, UK
Posts: 148
Hi Wendie,
I can completely relate to your story, the blackouts, the embarrassment and shame the day after, the anxiety, not being able to imagine a life without alcohol. I am sorry you are going through this - don't be too hard on yourself, it takes a lot of strength and courage to admit you have a problem and reach out to others. I have been met with so much kindness, good advice and support on this site, and feel more secure in my sobriety than I have done on all previous attempts.
Be kind to yourself and take one day at the time. It is important to try to create a "safety net", something which can catch you when the cravings set in. I find that telling a few close people that I trust has been very helpful, keeping a journal to track triggers and learn from relapses or "weak" moments, and most importantly to think of sobriety as part of a general recovery, taking care of body and mind.
All the best to you,
S
I can completely relate to your story, the blackouts, the embarrassment and shame the day after, the anxiety, not being able to imagine a life without alcohol. I am sorry you are going through this - don't be too hard on yourself, it takes a lot of strength and courage to admit you have a problem and reach out to others. I have been met with so much kindness, good advice and support on this site, and feel more secure in my sobriety than I have done on all previous attempts.
Be kind to yourself and take one day at the time. It is important to try to create a "safety net", something which can catch you when the cravings set in. I find that telling a few close people that I trust has been very helpful, keeping a journal to track triggers and learn from relapses or "weak" moments, and most importantly to think of sobriety as part of a general recovery, taking care of body and mind.
All the best to you,
S
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Welcome - first off, congratulations on being brave enough to come forward. Unlike you, I continued to deny my addiction problems until I ended up in the hospital. Many of us didn't have the foresight that you do - that's a big advantage and shows you've got some brains and courage left.
When I stopped, I was lucky enough to reside in a treatment center (embarrassing, yes, but it worked) and they loaded me up with all kinds of tools to keep my recovery going once I got home. Have you ever explored any kind of plan or recovery options? There's AA, which worked for me in the beginning, but there are also tons of other groups, books, and programs out there. Do you have any idea as to how you're going to "get started"?
You will find a lot of support here - good luck!
When I stopped, I was lucky enough to reside in a treatment center (embarrassing, yes, but it worked) and they loaded me up with all kinds of tools to keep my recovery going once I got home. Have you ever explored any kind of plan or recovery options? There's AA, which worked for me in the beginning, but there are also tons of other groups, books, and programs out there. Do you have any idea as to how you're going to "get started"?
You will find a lot of support here - good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Jamestown, NY
Posts: 6
Plans
Thanks for the replies! I have no idea what my plan is. So far I know I am an alcoholic and that I have to change. I know my efforts to "cut down" are an epic fail and that I have to completely stop in order to get myself healthy and happy. I am not very religious and that makes some methods of riding on faith hard. I know I need a support system and that daily inspiration will be needed. My support system is pretty weak and that is why I am here. I hope to find people who struggle too and will understand how hard this really is! I am interested in reading something to help me and am researching where AA meetings are around my area. I know a new hobby might help to give me something else to do besides DRINK!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Welcome!
And, you're right. In fact, stopping completely is the way it has to be done for alcoholics.
There are lots of different recovery methods and if you look around here, you will various ways to recover. Your idea of a hobby is a good one, because it's important to remember that stopping drinking is just the beginning. You need to deal with the underlying issues and you need to make changes in your life.
I'm glad you found us.
And, you're right. In fact, stopping completely is the way it has to be done for alcoholics.
There are lots of different recovery methods and if you look around here, you will various ways to recover. Your idea of a hobby is a good one, because it's important to remember that stopping drinking is just the beginning. You need to deal with the underlying issues and you need to make changes in your life.
I'm glad you found us.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome wchope! Blackouts were the final straw for me. I was so tired of the shame, embarrassment and harm, I was doing to myself.
You can do this! Make a plan and stick to it. You can be free and you'll never regret this decision.
Keep posting, SR is a very supportive community.
You can do this! Make a plan and stick to it. You can be free and you'll never regret this decision.
Keep posting, SR is a very supportive community.
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