(((((Argnotthisagain)))))
I am so sorry you are going through this! First let me say, give the medicine the 3 weeks that your doc said. Some medications don't work immediately, and hormone replacements are in that category. Then if it's not working, tell your gyn that and insist on something else.
There were none of the medications of today available when my mom went through menopause and hers lasted 10 years. Yes I said 10 years, she was crazy, insane, and drove my sister (10 years younger than me) and my dad nuts. She was a raving lunatic. In her later years, she said how much she regretted how she treated dad and sis all those years. (I was already out of the house, married, and didn't have to be around her.
Now fast forward to '88 when I was 43. I was having pre-menopausal symptoms, really bad, plus horrendous times during my periods whenever they decided to show up. Turned out I had ovarian cysts that made my ovaries the size of goose eggs. I had to have a hysterectomy where they took everything out, and I also was alone, had divorced my hubby (the sober alcoholic that turned to gambling) the year before. Well, after the surgery, doc put me on premarin, the only medication at the time, and within one week I was going through exactly what you described above. He told me to stay on it that it would get better, and I said NO. Flushed them. I went without. Went through the 'hot flashes' and the 'cold flashes' for about 6 months but by then I was just grateful that I was not longer curled up on the floor in a fetal position screaming with pain for 10 days at a time.
It did get better. I did have to go on water pills and potassium and am still on them today 25 years later, and have figured out when I need to take them and take them at a time I know I will be home for the next 4 hours or so, rofl.
Now to you. I wrote the above to let you know I have been in your situation. I was also alone. I was living alone, per both my sponsors instruction, my AA sponsor and my Alanon sponsor, to learn how to like/love me. Whew that one year turned into 5 years with 3 moves involved. Oh and during that time I went back to school to finally finish and get my degree, which I did. And all those 'young things' running around campus and me feeling like an elephant, well you get the idea.
Anyway, during that hiatus from society so to speak, just school and work in the afternoons and evenings (minimum wage, but in the field I wanted to be in, doing home care for the terminally ill and/or the totally incapacitated) I found ME. Maybe the first time I had ever really known me in my life.
I would suggest that you try some Alanon meetings, even though you are no longer with the alcoholic, find a sponsor and work through the steps. In the process, it will take your mind off of your physical right now to some extent, and you will make some new lady friends. Real friends, and you will start to gain a new attitude about you and about life!!!
For me, one of the most important things I learned during that 5 years of abstinence from 'men' was the simple fact that I didn't need to have a 'him' on my arm to feel whole. Boy did that change my attitude. And it seems as I finally accepted that 'new attitude' my interactions with 'men' actually seemed to change and I found myself getting more phone calls than I ever had before.
You are NOT over the hill even though it feels like it right now. There are some decent, caring, considerate, gentlemen out there and once you get through this health crisis you will meet some. They are still out there for me and I am fast approaching 68, roflmao I just don't want a real close relationship at this time in my life. I want the type of relationship I had for 10+ years with my retired University Professor. He kept his house, I kept mine, and we traveled back and forth to each others residences (he lived 80 miles north of me). I really thought we would spend our waning years together. That is until he died of a massive heart attack (in my home) 3 weeks after a complete physical where he was told he was in excellent shape with the heart of a much younger man (he was 3 years older than me) than his 65 years.
Yes, I got over it, but it wasn't easy. And as I said there are still men out there for me, some older than me that look younger than their age, some that are my age and look it, and yes some a few years younger than me (not too many years, lol)
I don't use the on line dating sites. I have heard too many scary stories about that route. Instead, I got involved in some things that really interest me. One is our local library and sit on their board, get involved in their yearly 'book sale' etc. I also got involved with our local animal shelter, and believe I have been instrumental in changing some of the ways they had done things in the past, for the betterment of the animals. Both of those 'past times' have led to other community things and events and you would be amazed at how many 'single' men (divorced or widowed) are involved in the same things! Also I have met some great folks (men and women) at Alanon. I have formed some really good friendships, close friendships, that when I have been hospitalized (4 times since Jan of '11) one or more of them come to my house several times a day to feed my dogs and pay attention to them, etc
I don't ask my daughter (who lives 6 blocks away, lol) as she is very busy with her family of hubby, and 4 kids, although she always offers. That is something else that I gained from my years in Alanon, reconnecting with my children and having a relationship with them I never believed was possible. All four of the grandchildren here, knew my voice when they came home from the hospital (less than a 24 hour stay for momma, lol) as they had heard it the whole time they were in the womb. They knew my voice, their momma and poppa voices and their other grandmothers voice (she lives in a mobile home on their property and is one of my very best friends!
I didn't have that opportunity with the daughter that lives up in the northern mid west, but I was able to fly up both times and stay for the first 3 to 4 weeks to help her. I can tell you that my relationship with them was not very good even though I had been in AA and was sober and clean for several years when I first went to Alanon. Alanon is what helped me to change in to the person I am today.
It is okay to sit on the 'pitty pot' for a while, but then it becomes time to MOVE FORWARD. I believe, based on your post, that you seem to be ready to move forward!
So .................................. stay close with your doctor, tell your gyn that this medication is NOT working, what else can you try. Try some local Alanon meetings and try at lest 6 different ones to see if you get a 'feel' for one or two that you really seem to feel comfortable in. And it might not hurt to get a therapist and work through some of this with said therapist. You might be amazed at how much a therapist can help.
Oh, and most important, keep posting here and reading. You will find you have a lot of friends here that you just haven't met yet. Please remember, we are walking with you in spirit, and when you are feeling down, like now, picture whatever room you are in, absolutely filled to overflowing with the folks here at SR. It does help. You can rant, rave, scream, cry, and yes even laugh!
I have sent you a PM.
Love and hugs,