Our stories continue to mirror each other's star. What path you take now is completely up to you, and what is best for you.
I have decided he was having a type of...midlife crisis for lack of better words. Not alcoholic (as in can never touch the stuff again) and not addicted to things we have talked about, but simply out of control with testing his...ego...and mine.
Power plays...and all the rest, with all of my contributing madness.
I think there are conditions and times in life when alcohol can be severely abused, but the drinker can return to some normal consumption, but during those times, it sure mirrored the type of drinking which we call alcoholism, in which the drinker should never touch it again.
That's the view I have taken for my situation. Yours seems to be similar, but of course won't exactly be the same.
I took him off the pedestal. I took myself off a pedestal.
You are continuing to do what is best for you...and just remember there are no emergencies in life besides stopping young children from running in front of cars!
Even with a divorce the future between you and him is unwritten, if you ever want some form of a relationship with him.
You need time to continue to heal from what has transpired, and that healing will lead you to a place with strong boundaries, no matter what else. Money or no money. You will never be that vulnerable again to that kind of pain, because you will be always looking out for yourself, protecting yourself, and knowing where your center is, your serenity. See...nobody can take that away from you! You've learned that skill to protect yourself for the rest of your life...and you'll never be down that type of hellish road ever again...you'd never let it happen. You have that self-protection forever now star, no matter what else transpires.
How do you deal with those feelings, you asked?
I think you tell him the truth. The pain is still there, and you have to protect yourself. Maybe we can have a friendship, (if you feel like saying that!) But right now, no. You need time...and tell him that. You sure don't work on his time, you have to work on your own.
It's time for your time.