He definitely makes me feel like its my fault. I'm too controlling, to pushy, too snappy but it's pretty hard not to be after everything he puts me through. It's seriously not normal. I still can't work out why I've put up with it for so long. I think I've just got use to it.
me too. totally understand. it has been pointed out to me more than once recently that i don't have the same kind of reaction a "normal" person would or should when it comes to how my addict treats me and talks to me. because it does not faze me like it should. i've become so used to it i'm desensitized. BUT, it still gets to me underneath the surface. i still feel the effects of it in my day-to-day life and my overall emotional health.
i'll say the same thing here i said on another thread. would you be 'pushy, controlling, or snappy' if you weren't dealing with this issue with him? do other people in your life have these same complaints? it seems almost universal that we, as the partners of the addicts, are accused of all the same behaviors/negative personality traits. and yeah, some of it is true to a degree. i sure as hell am snappy with my addict--more so in the past than now, but still. and i was accused of being controlling all the time. because i was. i was trying to control something i had no control over instead of accepting it. i wanted my relationship to be what i thought it was or thought it could be and i thought if i could just FIX IT, it would be that. no no no no no no.
my new favorite question that i've read over and over but never struck so much of a chord with me as it does now is, if this is as good as it is going to get, are you going to be happy with it for the rest of your life?