Morning. I've been going back on a near daily basis to read all the replies from my last post, it does help me. I have gone to a few meetings, the last one just the other night and I spoke, well, kind of. I think I cried more and not sure I made any sense. It has been a week nearly since I've seen him(he has been sober for 5 weeks now) I told him I needed to "figure this out" and he has been respectful of my wishes.
I am a little more reflective at times, but I cry a lot as well. I ask myself the same question over and over...how the hell did I get myself into this mess? I new he was a recovering alcoholic (sober for 4 months when I met him) and he stayed sober for the first 7 months through the relationship and since may 2012 till this past April has been a nightmare. I feel like I know him better as an alcoholic than I do as a sober,healthy man. I beat myself up because I WISH I had asked more questions in the beginning and made a healthier choice. If I knew then, what I know now, my life probably would be different. I wish I never got so sucked into this and became a caretaker( cause at first I thought, oh ok, he has just relapsed once, it will be fine and everything will be back to normal..hahah, I was dead wrong.
So now I am beginning to take care of myself, but I don't know what that looks like just yet..is it normal to just now...go through anger,sadness,despair,resentment ect,ect?...does this ever go away? is it normal that because of all this drama that I have been through for it to bring up old wounds from my past that I thought were put behind me?
I feel "sick" I feel like maybe I need to be placed on anti depressant's. I was in a good place in my life before all this...****. I hate this. I really do. At this stage in my life(45) my kid's are young adults, I really should be happy and living,loving life...no, now I have to work on re building my life...ugh...thought I did that when I divorced my husband.
Thanks for reading...you guys are so wonderful
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