Good morning all! (Well, it's morning where I am!
)
It's the 8th day for me. I started it by waking up before my alarm and realizing that I have time to work out before work. Which is good because that helps with stress from work, and gives my body a good feeling (reward) for not drinking. Also, and I swear this is NOT said in an eating disordered, unhealthy way, but all the alcohol I'm not drinking? I used it to wash down bad drunken food choices. And 8 days of not doing that? Yeah, I don't know if I've "lost weight" because I do not own a scale, and I know I haven't lost pants sizes yet, but that cute little green dress in my closet looks much better than it did last week.
I'm understanding more and more something that I haven't really gotten during the last times I've quit. "one day at a time". I catch myself thinking about something that is happening next month and the month after, and whether I will drink or not. I have to catch myself with a few points:
Tomorrow is none of today's business. I won't drink today.
If I'm thinking about whether or not I will drink tomorrow, because maybe I could drink casually by then, well.... that's alcoholic thinking.....
The second point makes me laugh. I'm far past the point where I'm not sure I'm an alcoholic or not. But even KNOWING I am, my lying alcoholic brain still tries to lie to me. It's ridiculous really. My inner dialogue went something like this:
June 19-21 is the work trip. (drinking buddy) is in the same hotel room. You'll get free drink tickets. You can use those for that trip because they will be free and everyone else will be drinking too. It's 7 AM and it's the end of May. That's would be cute if it wasn't so desperate.
I'm breaking up with an obsessive, abusive, persistent stalker. And I know from reading here that this relationship will never end. Kind of like we share a child or something. I will always have to fend this idiot off. I know it will get easier and I know there will be some days that will be harder. One day at a time, though. Time to go work out!
xoxo
Bexxed