WELCOME to Sober Recovery. I am glad that you found us, but sorry for why you had to. There are some really great folks here with lots of ES&H, folks who have been where you are now, or are where you are now.
Congrats on your 5 years, that is AWESOME!!!
I understand you 'love him.' I understand that this is hard and you are very hurt.
You yourself are in recovery and I do believe if you look back to your early time in recovery you will remember how unstable, confused, angry, sad, and sometimes feeling very scattered, that you will see that he is not capable of making correct choices IF HE IS NOT SERIOUS ABOUT STAYING CLEAN AND SOBER.
That being said, you are seeing who he is, not who you want him to be, or thought he was, but WHO HE IS.
Please listen to your children, do not let this person back into your home and into your life. He has stolen from you and your children, he has lied to you and your children and he has abused you.
Sounds like this would be a good time to check out some Alanon or Naranon meetings. I suggest Alanon, because usually there are many more of those than of Naranon meetings and since it is the same program, you will find folks that are and/or have been where you are now. Also, you may want to get some one on one therapy for yourself and maybe some Alateen for your teenagers if they think they might want to go.
As to one on one counseling, which can be expensive, I would suggest that you call your local Domestic Violence Center as they have all sorts of help available for those that have been abused either physically or emotionally.
I can so relate to where you are now. I was married to a 'sober' alcoholic and on my 3rd AA anniversary my sponsor insisted (I like to say strongly suggested, rofl) that I start attending Alanon IMMEDIATELY and get myself an Alanon sponsor in addition to her. You see, my 'sober' husband had switched his DOC to GAMBLING and was exhibiting all the alcoholic/addition behaviors, including lying, stealing, pawning our 'things' getting 'pushy' with me (and this was a man who normally was not physical).
So off to Alanon I went. Got myself an Alanon sponsor, a great lady that I also knew from the rooms of AA, and who it turned out was a close friend of my AA sponsor. Had it not been for Bev (My AA sponsor) and Pat (my Alanon sponsor) I am not sure I would have been able to stay sober and clean through that very rough time of my life.
All this stress can become very detrimental to your own recovery, so PLEASE take care of you. You cannot 'fix' him, although I suspect you wish you could. You do understand that he has to reach his own bottom and really WANT recovery, no matter how bad he needs it, before any rehab, or treatment center, or NA will help him to HELP HIMSELF.
Please take care of you!!!!! Please also continue to post and let us know how your are doing as we do care so very much. Feel free to rant, rave, scream, cry, and yes even laugh. We are here for you, and we are walking with you in spirit.
Love and hugs,