JustShy, glad to see you posting & I can definitely see glimmers of your strength pushing through compared to your earlier posts!
I don't want to reiterate the great advice you've already gotten but I totally agree with the PP's. I'd also wager a guess that the anger & resentments that you see flaring up in him could be rooted in self-hatred & anger with himself. So often people externalize their inner baggage on those closest to them rather than dealing with it head on. But you are SO right when you say it's his place to figure that out & solve it.... it's your place to step out of the line of fire when you can see it coming.
If it were *me* I'd be verbalizing some firmer boundaries about how he speaks to you, especially in front of your kids & most especially at your own home. When my RAH gets that tone or attitude or the anger starts rising I wave my little white flag & say hey, sorry you feel THIS way, but I'm not your verbal punching bag & I'm not going to stand here & listen to you go on like this, I'm not going to feed into it. We can talk about it when you are less angry." And I walk away physically. I can't control how he feels but I also refuse to own it or let him push it off on me, any more than I would let him break my arm because he had broken his first.
If he's at your place, ask him to leave. You & your kids deserve a safe zone, free from unresolved anger being thrown like knives.
((((HUGS)))) Hang in there, you're doing great!