After that, I laid in bed and cried for an hour. It's so frustrating to know how far we got to end right back where we started. Only reason he stopped before is because his mother got him into a program and he was living with her and away from his roommate who's a bad influence on him, though I don't blame her because he's an adult. I think what hurts the most is knowing that he's longing for a better life. He'll be twenty-four in July and he wants so badly to have something going for himself. His friends have career's and families. He is so naturally smart that if he wanted he could become a doctor without much thought. I am trying to push him towards that brighter tomorrow because he WILL be GREAT.. someday. ...I just know it.

Someone recently asked, "Are you going to be able to be at peace and happy in this relationship if he never recovers?"

The honest answer that aligns with my intentions say's no. My selfish ego, wants him to be better, to be a better version of himself. That version I dream about year's from now when were thirty, have career's, live together, are talking about marriage and we both look happy. If never recovering means I can never have that then I won't be at happy.

However, at my core. My authentic self knows and understands that I wouldn't push him away either because of it. I'd love him through it all because I'd accept him as is. I'd hastily settle for his circumstance and try to over look it. What I know for sure is, we shouldn't have preconceived notions of what a partner should be, which allow's us to have endless-discoverable possibilities. His burden will become mine and I'll become blind to it and only think of it as a relationship "issue" much like everyone else has. A silent devotion between him, I and his addiction. But even here, I won't be truly happy.