(((((MetallicThorn)))))
First let me say, WELCOME to SR. You have found a really GREAT place with lots of folks with lots and lots of Experience, Strength, and Hope (ES&H).
He is correct in that you will not understand unless you are an alcoholic, and to be honest I doubt if he truly understands. I am almost at 32 years of continuously being sober and clean and I still don't understand, how a simple little liquid could totally destroy me and my life so long ago.
AA helped me a lot in those early years and at 3 years sober (to the day) because I was married to a 'sober' alcoholic, who changed his drug of choice to GAMLING my AA sponsor literally ordered me (I like to say 'strongly suggested', lol) to start Alanon IMMEDIATELY and to get an Alanon sponsor, preferably one that was a 'double winner' (one who is also sober in AA).
I did do that, not totally willingly but I did start Alanon, and it has been very beneficial all these years in helping me to keep a handle and a 'rein' on my codependency issues. I am a retired RN and yes it can be difficult to be kind, warm, caring, and helpful in my work (and sometimes 'fix' things) and not carry it into my personal life, or at least know when NOT to 'fix'. rofl
I would suggest that you step back, maybe try Alanon and/or get some one on one counseling, and just WATCH his ACTIONS. His ACTIONS will tell you how serious he is about recovery. Right now it sounds like he is not serious at all.
'Enabling' which is what as a codependent I do if I am not careful is doing things for others, All others that they can do for themselves. This includes when it comes to A's (even the ones I sponsor) the whole gamut from balancing their checkbooks to finding them a rehab to lending them money, etc
When I stay in this mode, my life is great and so is the lives of the folks that are around me, when I let that mode slip, well ................................................ here is a good example:
In January of 2010 I got a phone call out of the past, the way way past. My first love, whom I had not seen or spoken to in 45 years! Yep, quite a surprise, and I have to admit, my 'blinders' were on full force, so it escalated quickly. We started flying back and forth to each others homes, he was in FL and I in NM. Now as I said the 'blinders' were on full force, so I did not (I was in full denial) see all the red flags popping up. Finally in Oct. of 2010 it came to a head, the Elephant in the Room was visible in all it's glory as were all the 'red flags.' I had to end it, as I finally realized why I had broken off with him those many years ago (he drank too much back then for me) before I later became an alkie myself. I flew home in mid October, not yet realizing the amount of stress I had been under.
I am a diabetic and 'stress' is not good for a diabetic as our immune systems are compromised and we 'catch' infections easier. I ended up with a low grade infection that went on for a while, and I was getting more and more dehydrated (not good) to the point that there was literally no potassium left in my brain. When that happens a Grand Mal Seizure can happen and it did. In early Janurary of 2011 my daughter found me out cold on the bathroom floor and could not get a response. I was in the hospital for 5 days.
Hopefully I have learned my lesson about getting so damn complacent about my recovery. I even posted on here, several times throughout the year how 'wonderful' life was and how much fun I was having, etc etc I spent the majority of 2011, returning to my Alanon meetings, working with MY sponsor who is in CA and getting back on track! It was a very unique event which I hope never happens again in my life!
So ................................ please TAKE CARE OF YOU and allow him the dignity of taking care of his own life.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, as we do care so much.
Love and hugs,