Wow, you have a lot here, MetallicThorn--my brief reply is that you sound as if you already know the answer(s) to your problems/questions. You do state that you know you can't be happy with him as he is, and since you didn't cause his addiction, you can't control his addiction and you can't cure his addiction, you will be signing up for a lifetime of unhappiness if you stay with him now.
Could he get sober and could you have a happy life together in the future? It's certainly possible, but for now, you need to focus on YOU. You deserve better than this, and his drinking and the way he treats you is certainly not "a trifle." Also, bear in mind that alcoholism is a progressive disease, and things will get worse, not better, as time goes on.
Please do as much reading here as you can, and don't miss the stickies at the top of the page. There is a lot of experience, strength and hope to be shared here. I would also like to suggest getting to an Alanon meeting as soon as possible--you'll learn a lot there about how best to cope w/the situation you find yourself in. If you don't like the fit of the first meeting you try, then try a different one.
Hoping you find some peace and clarity today.