I appreciate the strength and courage it took for you to ask this question. I've been carrying around a similar question for myself, for quite sometime, that I finally opened up to my therapist about.
Because of the nature and impact of the relationship I had with my AXBF, I still have trouble deciphering whether something was abuse vs healthy. My therapist asked me to remove myself from the situation, and if it was my best friend or sister asking me this question, what would I say? What advice would I offer to her?
This perspective helped me gain some clarity. And thank you for asking this question, it hit close to home for something I've been struggling with for a while.