Originally Posted by
kasie 
3. Someone vulnerable (e.g. a child in the A's care) - in which case it may (only may) be OK to intervene. But - I need to consider if there's a less invasive method of doing so - and if it is my place to be doing so, or should it be someone else (e.g. CPS).
I'm curious - what line of work is the A in? If it's something like operating heavy machinery, healthcare (where they're responsible for someone's life), etc. then perhaps some kind of intervention is warranted. But - I'd always err on the side of caution - an select the least invasive means first, rather than going straight to the top. Remember that once you've done an action, it can't be undone.
The AlAnon slogan 'Think Think Think' rings true here - IMHO.
Solid point, Kasie. The 'Think' phase is what I am currently in, so I thought I would take my mind out of it and get some additional 'voices' that may lead me to the less invasive method.
I thought we may approach the A and put parameters on his choices and/or provide alternative options. It is the abuse (mainly verbal, but physical has happened long ago - never far from the mind) that concerns me.
I have remained supportive, but I feel that it may be time to set some rules.
My idea is to mitigate the negative aspects. Should the A choose to drink, it will not be at work or at home. If the A is at a hotel, then the A's abusive side stays out of the home and away from the other parent... until we can continue our efforts to help or at least support.
Should the A fail this, I would like to lay out the ramifications of the choice. It would include the A forcing my hand to take a more direct approach to ensure the safety of the other parent, along with people that the A also puts in danger.
Talk about invasive... as I write this, even I see that it is a resolute action that would forever change the family. It may be 'heavy handed', but isn't there a time to take things to the next level?
Anyway, thanks again to everyone here. I have held back for so long and it is not in my nature. I battle by nature and just feel that it may be time to draw the line in the sand. If 'this', then 'this'...