It does help, thank you lillamy..
I think I can maybe get behind the idea of a higher power being anything that is just not "me".. It seems to be a way of expressing our understanding that we aren't in control.. I feel like maybe, if I can really understand and feel peaceful in knowing something is not in my gift to fix/disect/clean/worry over, then perhaps that is what step 3 means for me..
Maybe it's just the place I live, most of the meetings near me are in churches, or alternatively some scary parts of town.. I'm reading Paths to recovery independently, and in spite of my atheist traits, it does seem the world is conspiring to support me in its own way.. Chance conversations and openness are allowing me to find the support.. Because I have made the firm decision that the relationship is over, I think I have freed myself of some of the guilt and shame that is often experienced in an alcoholic relationship.. I am open and honest with those on my "side" of the relationship and it has brought some strange co-incidences to light.. For instance, the window cleaner for our office is the man who has given me his copies of paths to recovery and the other book with the daily readings.. He checks in on me when the office is quiet and we have some great conversations about coping, living and finding joy in life without the A.. He's been in al-anon for 15/20 years and has seen it all..
Funny how the world turns..
Thanks again x