I just want my words to hurt him because I am hurting.
I have been there too llarson. The reason I could not do that, try to purposely hurt him, is because it is not essentially a part of my nature.
I want to soothe, comfort, console, empathize all that good codependent stuff that we take to extremes.
Your are a good person who has been in extremely abnormal circumstances.
And, you thought you two made it through! Wow. I understand that too.
Take all your power to help others and focus on yourself.
What would you tell a friend who was suffering the way you are right now?
You are made of much tougher stuff than you think.
You have made it out alive.
Build your strength by going to AlAnon.
You will learn who needs to come first in your life, and it is NOT him.
Grieve what you thought you had, the grieving is necessary so you do not find another man to "fix".
I am speaking from personal experience about this.
and
EnglishGarden,
you described the experience I had with alcohol, and my ex husband!
You are incredible and I appreciate your insights and thoughts so much.
Keep coming back here llarson. I find the more I read and post, the more I learn.
Beth..... grateful to be recovering.
