Almost drank and scared.
Im scared because I almost drank last night. Hubby had a 12 pack of "our beer" in the fridge, and I didnt want any, but I wanted wine. I justified it many ways. "im healed now" "im stressed, wine is OK" "whats wrong with wine anyway" I was this close to running and getting a bottle. At that moment I truly believed it would be OK to drink a bottle of wine. Oh, but only if it was a "light" wine. LIke 10% alcohol.
Its funny I still thought it was fine when my thinking was going " Ill have to get a low alcohol wine so I dont get hungover, because I know I will have to drink the whole bottle, because I cant have one glass"
I mean cmon really??
I dont know exactly what stopped me.
I just didnt go get it. And now looking back, I can see how...blinded? I was!!
Still!?! Still!!? This thing still has me?? C'mon.
And Im scared....because that whole episode crept up on me so sneaky.
Ugh.
And then this conversation I listened to about this "summer special leinenkugels beer" that has summer shandy,etc. and with a lime in it...yum.
And I am angry because its not fair.
I want to drink like a normal person, and i cant.
Its like being pregnant and not being able to drink, but at least there is that just around the corner knowledge I can drink soon.
But not now.
Ugh.