Knowing too much...
I feel like most of my problem is that I KNOW too much, but none of it actually results in lasting change.
I just felt myself craving detox...a few months ago, I went about 2 weeks without drinking anything, and I loved getting "the sweats" because it meant my body was getting rid of all that bad stuff. I want to get back there...I don't mean the sweats that come after a night of drinking, but the ones that come after a week of being sober. There was something cleansing about it, and not just literally...
I KNOW all the basic truths...I'm happy when I'm sober, I'm unhappy when I'm drinking. I feel great when I don't drink. I'm cheating the world by not giving it my best self. I believe good things about my life when I'm sober, and I don't believe anything good about myself when I drink. That's the scariest part to me. I was never so happy as an adult than when I spent that time sober and taking care of myself. Why don't I CHOOSE that?
Sometimes it's like knowing all that stuff is part of what holds me back. I know I only need to do a few basic things to get better, so I put it off. It's so stupid. During those two weeks I was sober, I even went out a few times without drinking, and I didn't miss it. So my whole rationale for drinking being fun and a good stress relief is totally bunk. This I KNOW, but I don't DO. Ugh.