7 Days
Suicide is never an answer, I know because I was there a few times on matters unrelated to ALCOHOL, but in reality probably directly related in the long run to my heavy drinking... to cut a long story short I was on top of a building in Morocco looking down and thinking of jumping (I had actually sought out the highest open ledge point I could find in Casablanca for this purpose)... I fully intended jumping when two things happened
1) Something by George Harrison starting blasting out of a window directly below in the hotel I was above and
2) I thought with my luck I will hit some other poor ******* and NOT KILL myself..
but really hearing that magic song made me stop and wait..
In the lead up to this event I had years of death threats from former business partnes most of whom are either in jail or dead now... I had left my family, moved overseas and around the world to many differing cities in hiding... I had only the week before been raided by the FBI and IRS agents on a tax matter.... had zero money.... millions in debt and was hated universally by the only people who mattered to me..
OP - In your case you are young, 23 is very young and really no matter how anxious you get from your "sobriety" just treat it as it is... AN old Vietnam vet told me this.... no matter what you are thinking or feeling just treat it as another life experience..... up to your knees in rice paddy water for 3 months soaking wet with Viet Cong shooting at you... just accept it..
ANXIOUS and scared of not drinking just deal with it
If I followed his wisdom 10 years ago I would not be in the positions I am now..
I STOPPED DRINKING 7 DAYS AGO... today is day 8
Day 1 - hungover after 3 bottles of Champagne, no problem
Day 2 - migraines, severe anxiety, diarhea, godawful
Day 3 - worse then 2 with vomiting blood
Day 4 - the shakes but head better
Day 5 - No pain but I am in mourning because I killed off my best friend of 30 years (the wine bottle)
Day 6 - Why did I stop, I feel ok
Day 7 - severe pains in my liver and head and elbows, I hate the world
Day 8 - I have a bad migraine and severe diarrhea
I started to stop drinking 2 years ago after watching that Dr Drew show "Celebrity Rehab"... but I got worse... I went from 1 bottle of red wine a day everyday to 2-3 bottles everyday.... Between 2006-2010 I would go months where I drank everyday but only 1 bottle or so... then 2011 it was everyday bar 2 days a week but much more wine (2-4 bottles a day everyday).. I went all of 2011 without one day off... then in 2012 I stopped, started again, stopped, started again EVERY WEEK.... I went through that painful rehab every week.
I was 3 days on, 2 days off drinking or 7 on, 3 off, or 5 on and 2 off... I was in agony and feeling very negative.... then I saw something.... it was a video of one of my old favorite rock stars... a guy called Brian Connolly from the glam 70's band "The Sweet"... so good looking in his 20s, 30s.. but by 50 he looked like a grandpa and he died horribly by 53
see the video on youtube by searching his name and a video called "Don't leave me this way"... it is so awful how he went from great to dead
I decided then and there 4 months ago to stop drinking, but it was only when my partner told me I had aged this year that I recognized I would end up like Brian.... the pain in stomach and heart palpitations and liver pain and pooping my pants were unbearable...
I am on day 8 and in a lot of pain and I am going to bloody well deal with it as a new experience and in my own warped way ENJOY IT
GOD BLESS you kid and remember you have such a great life going forward,,,, eff the suicide talk... it doesn't solve anything and if my Vietnam mates could live through their hell we can lived with giving up a silly drink or 10