Anewpage.
It is an addiction. In retrospect i now see that my drinking in the latter years was driven by avoiding going into withdrawal, even to the outside world i was perfectly , or not so perfectly functional.
i now see that i have an inate desire to chase the buzz. I assume its genetic. The cravings became a normal part of my life and there was always that sense of wanting more, that in the end could never be satisfied.
The good news is that i am two years sober after years of beating around the bush. Life is easier, and I am getting more out of it and giving more of myself to others. I never get cravings, and can be around alcohol without having major emotional or physical reactions.
Its there for you too. It does take a big step that can feel like you are literally walking off a cliff..........you will discover you can fly.
Its a journey and I am so thankful for finding my way to becoming part of the SR family.