Wow, I'm overwhelmed with your posts. Thank you all so much!
As for the question about whether I have tried to abstain...
After a huge drinking binge on Monday (which ended in my screaming, sobbing, and feeling like I was going to die the next morning) I decided I was going to not drink the next day and see what happens. The next afternoon (at the time I would usually start drinking) I began to feel very agitated, couldn't sit down, my hands were shaking, clammy, and I was sweating a lot. But I didn't give up. Later that night I felt so nauseous but managed to get a good night's sleep. The next morning (Wed) I woke up feeling so proud of myself and thought, well, I'm ok now.
But by wednesday lunchtime I found myself standing in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka taking "just one shot". Of course it wasn't just one shot, and I ended up getting really drunk. I can't remember most of Wednesday evening/night.
Yesterday I got to 7pm before I drank but I didn't get drunk. Today, I don't know what I'm going to do. It's like I can't manage to have just one or two. What doesn't help is the fact that this week someone told me I'm "boring" and "quiet" when I'm sober. I was boring and quiet to them because I was trying to work myself through the withdrawal symptoms... can't win.