Hi Rugby8, I can understand how you feel, but don't give up. I can no longer count the detoxs I've been to. After bening in and out for years thought many time not to bother. The thing that helps me is to not devalue whatever time I have put together. I understand that I have practiced to stay sober for 30 something years. However, I had to practice drinking for years. The only chance I have is to keep working at it. Otherwise it is like not buying a ticket, and wanting to win lottery