Hi everyone. I just joined this forum and I found it at the perfect time for me as well, after deciding to try and go alcohol-free today, after reading an article about drinking in Red magazine which really touched home.
I am 21, 22 next month. I have been drinking since I was 12 years old. For me and the whole going sober thing, I'm worried my age will make people think 'oh well, you're only young.' or 'everyone at your age drinks a lot.' etc etc... but I really do have a problem that is affecting my life, work and relationships. I am addicted to wine. I am a binge drinker. even typing this makes my chest go tight and a lump in my throat. I need to accept this, get help, and hopefully overcome my addiction. I'm here for support and I really hope this is going to help me.
Luckily, my boyfriend of 4 years is also going alcohol-free with me. The problem is that we are both big drinkers, and drink a lot, together. We don't really drink with friends or co workers, it is mostly just us. Either at home, or we go for 'a few drinks' at the pub and those few drinks turn into too many and then we're off to the shop to get more, to take home. We rub off on each other and drink together. We've put weight on together, had hangovers together, and often joked "haha, we're like alcoholics." together... well it needs to stop.
The problem really started 3 years ago when my dad passed away. I did start drinking more so I didn't think about him and it snow balled from there. I was at uni at the time and of course there's lots of drinking but my friends would always get pissed off with me because I was always the girl who always drank that little too much, "you take it too far" "you're always so hungover!"... etc
Me and my boyfriends first flat together was just around the corner from the newsagents. I would buy a bottle of wine, drink up and think "oh, the shop closes at 11, i must get another." Something I can remember was drinking a bottle of wine, it was 10:45 and I went in the fridge to open my 2nd bottle, and I dropped it and it smashed all over the floor. without even cleaning it up i panicked and ran to the shop to get a replacement bottle before the shop closed. After work, not a glass, but a bottle of wine was my treat. I would get excited close to finishing my shift because I knew I would get wine. I started sneaking wine from my job at the time, and got caught on CCTV. I was so ashamed, but still didn't accept my problem and pushed it away.
I've been in hospital for drinking. My drinking problems have made me suicidal and overdosed, fell out of a taxi and cracked my head open, fought with my boyfriend over nothing specific; last night was the cherry on the top for us. After going to the pub for 1, (which was actually 4 glasses of large wine), coming home and having another bottle at dinner, then asking him to get me just one glass to relax with after dinner while we watched tv. I kept asking him for more top ups, he opened more beers... eventually we were wasted and fighting, he slapped me across the face because I was trying to claw him. I don't even remember it, woke up and we both said 'never again'... We only ever fight when we're wasted, never sober. I'm not an angry person, but alcohol in the past has made me hit my boyfriend, smash our flat up, threaten to leave him, bla bla bla... It needs to stop.
Not just my relationship but it's affected my work too. Like I mentioned before, I stole wine from a previous job, and would pour it into plastic coffee cups to hide it. I would even drink wine people left on their tables.... how disgusting is that??
I have called into work so many times because of hang overs. I have puked on buses, trains, on the side of roads and streets during the day due to bad hang overs. I've passed out from hangovers because I had close to 3 bottles of wine the night before. I wake up and think "is my hangover bad? no? well maybe I'll be able to drink later on. YES!!" not to mention how much money i have spent on alcohol... i don't even want to think about it. And the whole time, for the past 2 years this has been going on, I've always lied to myself that I don't have a problem.
I don't really drink much else apart from wine, wine is my weakness. oh and i love champagne and prosecco.
I can't just have 1. No way. 1 for me, is impossible.
I'm terrified going cold turkey, I know I'm not going to be able to do it straight away. I'm worried to say to myself "oh ok, I'm allowed to drink on Friday night because i was AF for 3 days" but I don't know how to do this
We went out for food this evening and, after having a hangover all day and puking up in 2 public toliets, it was so difficult not to order drinks!!! I ended up having a non alcoholic cocktail which made me feel like a cheater, and then a blackcurrent and soda with my dessert. Now we're at home and I hate to admit it, but I am trying so hard not to go to the shop for a bottle of wine. my temper keeps raising and i have awful anxiety.
I hope I can meet some friends here and I really do want to try. I don't know what I'm aiming for just yet; alcohol-free completely, alcohol-free apart from special occasions, or just a lower intake. I'm scared.
I can't wait to talk to all of you. here's to my first day at trying??
Naomi xx