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new here, day 1 with hangover

Old 05-15-2013, 03:55 PM
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new here, day 1 with hangover

Hi everyone. I just joined this forum and I found it at the perfect time for me as well, after deciding to try and go alcohol-free today, after reading an article about drinking in Red magazine which really touched home.

I am 21, 22 next month. I have been drinking since I was 12 years old. For me and the whole going sober thing, I'm worried my age will make people think 'oh well, you're only young.' or 'everyone at your age drinks a lot.' etc etc... but I really do have a problem that is affecting my life, work and relationships. I am addicted to wine. I am a binge drinker. even typing this makes my chest go tight and a lump in my throat. I need to accept this, get help, and hopefully overcome my addiction. I'm here for support and I really hope this is going to help me.

Luckily, my boyfriend of 4 years is also going alcohol-free with me. The problem is that we are both big drinkers, and drink a lot, together. We don't really drink with friends or co workers, it is mostly just us. Either at home, or we go for 'a few drinks' at the pub and those few drinks turn into too many and then we're off to the shop to get more, to take home. We rub off on each other and drink together. We've put weight on together, had hangovers together, and often joked "haha, we're like alcoholics." together... well it needs to stop.

The problem really started 3 years ago when my dad passed away. I did start drinking more so I didn't think about him and it snow balled from there. I was at uni at the time and of course there's lots of drinking but my friends would always get pissed off with me because I was always the girl who always drank that little too much, "you take it too far" "you're always so hungover!"... etc

Me and my boyfriends first flat together was just around the corner from the newsagents. I would buy a bottle of wine, drink up and think "oh, the shop closes at 11, i must get another." Something I can remember was drinking a bottle of wine, it was 10:45 and I went in the fridge to open my 2nd bottle, and I dropped it and it smashed all over the floor. without even cleaning it up i panicked and ran to the shop to get a replacement bottle before the shop closed. After work, not a glass, but a bottle of wine was my treat. I would get excited close to finishing my shift because I knew I would get wine. I started sneaking wine from my job at the time, and got caught on CCTV. I was so ashamed, but still didn't accept my problem and pushed it away.

I've been in hospital for drinking. My drinking problems have made me suicidal and overdosed, fell out of a taxi and cracked my head open, fought with my boyfriend over nothing specific; last night was the cherry on the top for us. After going to the pub for 1, (which was actually 4 glasses of large wine), coming home and having another bottle at dinner, then asking him to get me just one glass to relax with after dinner while we watched tv. I kept asking him for more top ups, he opened more beers... eventually we were wasted and fighting, he slapped me across the face because I was trying to claw him. I don't even remember it, woke up and we both said 'never again'... We only ever fight when we're wasted, never sober. I'm not an angry person, but alcohol in the past has made me hit my boyfriend, smash our flat up, threaten to leave him, bla bla bla... It needs to stop.

Not just my relationship but it's affected my work too. Like I mentioned before, I stole wine from a previous job, and would pour it into plastic coffee cups to hide it. I would even drink wine people left on their tables.... how disgusting is that??

I have called into work so many times because of hang overs. I have puked on buses, trains, on the side of roads and streets during the day due to bad hang overs. I've passed out from hangovers because I had close to 3 bottles of wine the night before. I wake up and think "is my hangover bad? no? well maybe I'll be able to drink later on. YES!!" not to mention how much money i have spent on alcohol... i don't even want to think about it. And the whole time, for the past 2 years this has been going on, I've always lied to myself that I don't have a problem.

I don't really drink much else apart from wine, wine is my weakness. oh and i love champagne and prosecco.

I can't just have 1. No way. 1 for me, is impossible.

I'm terrified going cold turkey, I know I'm not going to be able to do it straight away. I'm worried to say to myself "oh ok, I'm allowed to drink on Friday night because i was AF for 3 days" but I don't know how to do this

We went out for food this evening and, after having a hangover all day and puking up in 2 public toliets, it was so difficult not to order drinks!!! I ended up having a non alcoholic cocktail which made me feel like a cheater, and then a blackcurrent and soda with my dessert. Now we're at home and I hate to admit it, but I am trying so hard not to go to the shop for a bottle of wine. my temper keeps raising and i have awful anxiety.

I hope I can meet some friends here and I really do want to try. I don't know what I'm aiming for just yet; alcohol-free completely, alcohol-free apart from special occasions, or just a lower intake. I'm scared.

I can't wait to talk to all of you. here's to my first day at trying??

Naomi xx
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Old 05-15-2013, 03:58 PM
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Originally Posted by nailovex5 View Post

We went out for food this evening and, after having a hangover all day and puking up in 2 public toliets, it was so difficult not to order drinks!!! I ended up having a non alcoholic cocktail which made me feel like a cheater
hang in there things will be much better soon
if
we don't drink anymore

most in recovery stay away from non alcoholic drinks
why fool ourselves
may just lead us to the real thing

I have to catch myself often
for cheating comes very easy for a one like me

maybe I can have just a little sin today ??

I won't go as far as usual -- will I ??

as I deceive myself yet again
heck no -- I can drink like a gentleman

and one more time he returns to the bottle
putting aside the fact
that some never return to sobriety
lost in a deep fog
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Old 05-15-2013, 06:31 PM
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I too was a wino but when I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink, I was able to stay sober. You might give AA a try. There are meetings all over and great support there.

I stay sober with the help of this site and my counselor.

I know you can do it, start today at rebuilding your life.
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Old 05-15-2013, 06:44 PM
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Welcome. It is wonderful that you have the prescenct of mind at souch a young age to see that alcohol isn't your friend. Also, congrats to your boyfriend for joining you! My husband and i were very much like y'all. I drank, he drank and suddenly we're fighting over nonsense! This went on and on for years. As i descended deeper into my alcoholism my husband made the decision to not drink. He decided he didn't like who he became when he drunk. For him, it was as easy as setting the bottle down and walking away. I tried to emulate him many times and failed until i started going to AA. I had 10 months of sobriety but lost it am and back on the wagon again. Keep coming back! You're making a wonderful choice!
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Old 05-15-2013, 06:51 PM
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Welcome nailovex5

Have you thought a seeing a Dr to help you through withdrawal at all?

There are some other UK sources of help too:
Find help - Addaction

Home | Aquarius

The National Alcohol Helpline-UK - Tel: 0800 917 8282 Offers help to callers worried about their own drinking; support to the family and friends of people who are drinking; advice to callers on where to go for help.
and, of course - you'll find an amazing amount of help here

D
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Old 05-15-2013, 07:00 PM
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I wish you luck. It's so hard, and would be so tempting to go buy a bottle. I still catch myself having STRONG cravings and I've been sober almost a year now. But, you are not alone.
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Old 05-15-2013, 07:08 PM
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Welcome nailovex! (My mom was born in Sheffield ).

We're so glad you joined us. You'll find you aren't alone - we've all been through the same thing you're experiencing. I was the same as you - there was no such things as 'one' drink. That's why I had to stop all together. I tried many times over the years to control what I drank so that bad things wouldn't happen - but it was impossible. As I got older, I found myself drinking every day & I was completely dependent on it. Please be careful as you decide what's best for you. We all care - and we're happy you're here.
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Old 05-15-2013, 07:10 PM
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Your story sounds a lot like mine. I was a wino also and like you knew the times when the stores opened and closed and would have panic attacks if I drank too much on a Saturday night (into my Sunday morning stash) and had to wait until 12:30 p.m. on Sunday to purchase more.

Now I look at all the time I wasted worrying about my "evil friend" when I could have been enjoying the moment in a sober state.

Hang in there and you will see a wonderful new life.
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Old 05-15-2013, 10:59 PM
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Welcome! You should feel very proud of yourself for making this decision at such an early age. It is great that you and your boyfriend are stopping together. Wine is my vice as well, I have struggled over the past year to stop completely and slipped up along the way.

SR is a great support, you will find people to listen 24 hours a day, that is the nice thing about time zones!

Hope you are doing okay.
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Old 05-15-2013, 11:08 PM
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Congrats on taking that first step. Today is just day 2 for me and I'm still going through withdrawals so l can sympathize with how you feel. For me personally there is no way I can just "cut back", drink one day a week or only on special occasions. That one drink is like you described. The beginning of many more for the evening until in drunk and passed out. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. Please try to hang in there and not give in to the temptation!!!
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Old 05-16-2013, 02:50 AM
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Well done Naomi for joining us at SR, you will get lot's of support here. Like you, one drink was never enough for me. If the bottle was opened I knew I would drink it all. It's only day 15 for me but I love waking up in the morning feeling fresh compared to waking up wondering how I am going to make it through the day with such a bad hangover. Keep posting on SR, we all want to help you.
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Old 05-16-2013, 03:14 AM
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Hey Naomi,

As Dee said, try the hotline, or a walk in centre if you start to feel withdrawal symptoms, it can be dangerous.
Hope you stick with it, alcohol has clearly caused problems, so is a problem.

Try blogging about all the bad stuff, how bad last night was so you can read it when your addictive voice starts telling you it wasn't that bad and your young and all that rubbish it tries to feed you.

I used to drink like you, was consumed by it at work, thinking and wishing the day away so I could have my first drink. It got worse, binging over a litre of vodka a day, not a good path.

I even went missing once and ended up in sheffield! drinking with the homeless guys near the train station. Thankfully I still had a home to go back to, but some of those guys had lost it all. One was still technically a student at the uni but had completely hit the bottom and not done anything to change. He was in very bad health and I wonder to this day if he's still alive.
So it's never too young to do harm, or to make a change!

Take care
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Old 05-16-2013, 03:27 AM
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Originally Posted by LiveorDie View Post
Your story sounds a lot like mine. I was a wino also and like you knew the times when the stores opened and closed and would have panic attacks if I drank too much on a Saturday night (into my Sunday morning stash) and had to wait until 12:30 p.m. on Sunday to purchase more.
This was me. I started buying two half gallons on Friday so I would feel secure that I had enough to cover Sunday so I did not have to run out to the store.
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