Originally Posted by
pravchaw 
I think it okay to firmly state your boundaries but also leave open the opportunity for him to change. People change and recover all the time. Its worth preserving a family if it is possible. A depression is an illness that can be treated successfully.
In my personal life I have chosen to engage with my son rather than detach, but without nagging, pleading, bitterness or anger. Time will tell whether this approach will work and if he recovers, but I want to try my best.
To me, detachment is all about excising the nagging, pleading, bitterness or anger. When my husband says something abusive, I don't engage. I detach and walk away. If he does something kind, I engage and express gratitude.
Detachment helps me chart a course of action that does not enable his behavior. It helps me step back and give Mr. Arch the dignity of handling his own consequences.