I didn't join AA but I did, and do, find the Big Book useful and inspiring. I have also found podcasts of AA speakers really useful (google "XA speakers"). I used a priest as someone who I could tell anything to (I do think that is a release we all need, as AA identified in step 5). I have found SR really useful to hear from other alcoholics.
If I had my time over again I would have gone to AA. I came across the 12 steps by another route and while something works it seems sensible to stick to it (also, if I went to AA I'd be one of those who wanted to be a stickler that it was just as the big book described).
Praying that you find a way that works for you.