ShootingStar, that's pretty much what I've been thinking. I've been reading books on personality disorders and such and so much of it fits to a T. One thing my AH asked me recently was about how he always apologized for his bad treatment of us like when he'd explode or get angry out of nowhere, etc. He said, "I always apologize." And, I was quick to point out that it didn't change his behavior in the future, though. He'd apologize and then do it again a few months later. I started learning that the apologies were more for him, to lessen his guilt, and not to change his behavior or do better in the future. I started feeling like they were a convenient way for him to just keep doing what he was doing. After so many years of it, I knew the truth and stopped listening to the I'm sorries.
Honestly, though, he's been much better these past few weeks. But, since I know his track record I'm leery of whether this change is now for real or not. I'm just busy working on Al Anon stuff, helping my son study for his tests this week(last week of school here), and preparing documents for the NCAA eligibility stuff, etc.
My son also got recommended for a travel scholarship through the USTA(United States Tennis Association) to use towards one of the summer tournaments we'd attend and he has to write an essay, I have to get 2 recommedations for him, and then fill out the rest of the application. This was a HUGE deal for him so I'm spending my time focusing on the things that I need to focus on, and letting AH do what he's going to do and I'm going to just detach and wait.