I think there are layers of different emotional processing. Sure, lots of men are not as apt to deal as openly and directly about deep emotions as many women do. That doesn't mean they don't feel them; they do, and they empathize, just express it differently.
Then there are alcoholics who may have been normal human beings with the ability to feel and relate and genuinely care about their partner. But the disease of alcohol re-directs their focus as it progresses, and more and more, they can only think of how to get their next drink, no matter what the cost to anyone else. And that whole cycle of damaging others makes them feel guilty, and they can't - don't intend to stop because they want more booze, so they can't bear to hear about the pain they've caused and they disappear more and more emotionally.
Then there is the level of emotional dysfunction that you are talking about, Liz, and it is at the bedrock of personality and defines who the person is as well as the limits to who they are likely to become. They are not wired properly and, from my research and experience, there is little way to fix it. When you add alcoholism to this, it is a double whammy.
ShootingStar1