Hi DadofOne,
I'm so sorry you have all of this to deal with. If it means anything, I have found it to be a huge help to post on SR. Everyone needs a safe environment to vent with no judgement. As an x alcoholic or whatever you want to call me, I know all the hurt and pain I caused my family. I took advantage of their love too. I also know how forgiving they have been to me when I changed my life around. I had to have some pretty hard lessons thrown at me.
I don't know of any quick solutions for you. Is it possible for you and your wife to get counseling? Sometimes an outside party can help people see each others point of view better then we can ourselves. I was just wondering that if at least you two could get on a somewhat similar page it might help to get the situation resolved for everyone.
There are way more people on here with more experience than me. Dads are pretty important so please take care of yourself.