Dad, if what you say is true about this guy, he and the daughter would out the door, today. IMO, anything short of that simply will not work. The odds of the daughter or him changing are almost zero. They will only change when they want or need to. Al Anon, or counseling would be a waste of time and money IMO. Sorry, but that's the truth as I see it. You seem like a decent guy, you don't deserve that kind of treatment.