Originally Posted by lizatola

And, yes you just hit the nail on the head. I know that men are different from women. Unfortunately, if I tell my husband that I'm missing my father and need a hug from him (like I did a few months ago) and he says, "So what? What the hell are you missing that asshat for anyway?" that pretty much makes not want a hug and makes me want to shy away from trying to be physical with him at all.

If I tell him he hurt my feelings with something he said, he'll tell me to toughen up, I'm too sensitive, I take everything the wrong way and that's not his problem, etc. Or, and this is the killer of our conversations, he takes on my pain or frustration and starts griping about how bad his life is and how bad everyone treats him so that's why he treats me badly. His life sucks, bring on the comet, etc and then I sit there and listen to his victim rant for an hour when all I wanted was some validation for having an emotional need or hurt.

So, when I say 'bread from the hardware store', I mean that I've finally accepted that my husband can't handle any conversation about feelings or pain or hurt, even if it's not about him. I can't expect him to sympathize with me, I can't expect him to understand, I can't expect him to have empathy because he truly does not know how to do those things. When I ask for a hug, he'll give it but he'll look at me like I'm crazy.

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He truly just doesn't understand it and I don't know if he ever will.