How do I fix it?
I am new to this whole forum. I have been reading through posts trying to pull from all of your experienced to try and solve my problem and, well, I don't think anyone has f'd up as royally as I have...
Just to give some background.... I am 2mos clean with the aid of Suboxone. I was in an IOP program for six weeks until I couldn't miss anymore work so I got kicked out for missing too many sessions. I had a plan in place to start seeing a counselor 1 on 1 and go to a recovery group once a week. I was also spending a lot of time with another friend in recovery. Therapy is something that i have come to rely on. I have a lot of stuff going on and I don't want to get into too many details but to sum it up.... my 2 children and 2 step children have been staying at their other parents' houses because of my addiction. iT IS KILLING ME and putting a huge strain on my marriage. I was doing all that I could to maintain my sobriety. Things were going well.
My 1 on 1 counselor bailed on me 2 weeks in a row. I found myself spending more and more time with my friend in recovery only to find out that she was actually using. She called me one day desperate because she was in withdrawals. She asked me if I had a Sub to spare. I didn't. She was crying and begging me. I told her I might know someone that had something and I would look into it. So, I texted a friend asking if he had any "goodies". By some unfortunate twist of cyberspace craziness the text went to my SON'S phone....he and my daughter went to my husband with this....my husband, the one who has stood by me through all of this....when he confronted me with it I panicked and lied. I said I didn't know what he was talking about. I was so afraid that there was no way he would believe I wasn't looking for drugs for myself.
Well, I couldn't maintain the lie and I fessed up that indeed I sent the text looking for drugs but that they were for my friend. my husband didn't believe me because I had already lied to him.... So he confronted my "friend". And what did she do? Lied! My husband threatened to tell her parents who told her if they found out she was using they would kick her out of their house. So she lied. When I confronted her about it she said "Sorry, I had to protect myself". Awesome... No good deed goes unpunished!
I know I never should have put myself in that position. I guess I really didn't look at all the things that could have gone wrong with the scenario. The big problems now are this....even though I all of the drugs screens I have taken for the last 2mos have been negative except for my meds....my husband questions my sobriety. Because of the text so do all of the kids and their other parents. I AM NOT USING. If anything this was a wake up call to me that maybe I need to be more serious about my recovery and only concentrate on me. Maybe this whole thing is my HP screaming at me. But how do I fix what damage this whole incident caused??!!
My kids have been gone for 2 months. My husband is threatening me with divorce if I don't fix this and fix it fast and get the kids home....I don't know what I can do. No one will talk to me.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!