Ashli I don't know what the answer is for you...but despite your periods of drunkeness and sobriety ... you do have to put down the bottle...
I cleaned up when I was 20 and it was extremely difficult....and I went in fits and starts...
and I slammed hard in to my bottom
at this age I didn't understand much about powerless, nor god, nor turning it over....really nothing about the steps of AA/NA...
Just don't beat your self up...there is no shame nor should there be no guilt with what you are going through...
Just get through one day...call your family, your friends, people you trust...
get yourself in for a medical check up
you are not alone