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I Can't Do This . . .

Old 05-09-2013, 09:26 PM
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I Can't Do This . . .

I can't do this.

My life and how I've gotten to this point at only 23 years old is too long to tell, but every time I try to remain sober I get so irritated and restless and depressed. I can't concentrate. I can't sleep. I can't take any moment to enjoy anything. I can't even explain it. Everything moves at 1000mph and I can't keep up with anything.

I'm so unhappy and dissatisfied and lonely. I have a psychiatrist and a therapist, but nothing helps. I feel too awful all the time. I can't remember when I really enjoyed myself outside of numbing myself with something.

I don't even like alcohol anymore. Whenever I drink I try to throw the majority of it up and take Klonopin to relax to sleep. And then I try again the next day, and the next, and the next, and I feel awful and like I don't belong in this world.
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Old 05-09-2013, 09:33 PM
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Have you tried relaxation exercises? Yoga and Meditation has helped millions. Its helped me. I used to have a tree full of screeching monkeys jumping up and down in my head and that other voice putting me down. 8 months of sobriety and 6 months of meditation sitting quietly focusing on my breath for 20 minutes every day and the monkeys are mostly quiet and the voice has completely gone. Therapist told me to take it up, its called mindfulness meditation. Try it. You'll struggle to focus for 10 seconds at first but with practice you will quiet your mind and get this inner peace.
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Old 05-10-2013, 04:17 AM
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Hi. When I got sick and tired of my so called attempts to get sober I started by DOING things to get me sober and stay sober more than a day. I resisted but by going to AA on a daily basis got the ball rolling. Many things combined to get me dry then more work is needed to keep me sober. It started with self honesty, eliminating the reasons to drink, meetings, meetings, more meetings, keep coming and getting involved. The bottom line for us is to NOT pick up the first drink. BE WELL
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Old 05-10-2013, 07:51 AM
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Everything you mention we have all been through. It get's better. Have you been to rehab ( a clinic)? If not, I suggest you enter one. While in there make arrangments to attend meetings when you get out. It is almost impossible to break free of our addictions on our own. Attend as many meetings as you can in the beginning. The first few months are the worst, but it get's better.

Recovery can be hard at first. But to break the chains of your addiction you need to work it. Go into rehab, then attend meetings, surround yourself with support groups and say NO to your addiction everyday until it get's better. Stay away from old friends that you once used with!! Stay away from places that you once went to!! Your life and your health depends on all of this. Good luck to you.
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Old 05-10-2013, 07:53 AM
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I'm sorry Ashli you are feeling low and having an internal struggle. What you write of, however, does sound like you have alcoholic tendencies of not wanting to drink but yet you do over and over again. It is normal to be restless on the inside as well as on the outside when you stop drinking. It is the alcohol withdrawing from your body. This is the time when I needed the support of SR here. You may need additional help. I'm also doing some pretty intense counseling getting honest with myself. You are young and can have such a wonderful life; don't let alcohol keep you from being all that you are meant to be.
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Old 05-10-2013, 08:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Ashli View Post
I can't do this.

My life and how I've gotten to this point at only 23 years old is too long to tell, but every time I try to remain sober I get so irritated and restless and depressed. I can't concentrate. I can't sleep. I can't take any moment to enjoy anything. I can't even explain it. Everything moves at 1000mph and I can't keep up with anything.

I'm so unhappy and dissatisfied and lonely. I have a psychiatrist and a therapist, but nothing helps. I feel too awful all the time. I can't remember when I really enjoyed myself outside of numbing myself with something.

I don't even like alcohol anymore. Whenever I drink I try to throw the majority of it up and take Klonopin to relax to sleep. And then I try again the next day, and the next, and the next, and I feel awful and like I don't belong in this world.
I felt like you in my 20's too ... feeling like I was "crazy"..... and "out of control".

The only thing that I found to address my alcoholism was Alcoholics Anonymous. The 12 Steps treat the booze and the "isms".

You can read some AA literature here Big Book ..... see if you can identify

All the best.

Bob R
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Old 05-10-2013, 08:15 AM
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You just might have to "fake it til you make it"...i.e., do things you don't want to do, until they are no longer painful.
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Old 05-11-2013, 10:25 PM
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Hi Ashli - the only person or thing stopping you from doing this is you! You CAN do this, and you WILL do this, when you are ready. You may be ready now, and need some additional help - which to me, it sounds like you do, whether that's at rehab, or with a counselor, or something else. I feel like your post is very desperate, and I can empathize with that - there were so many times I didnt feel like I belonged in this world either and wanted to end my life. But now that I'm sober, I'm so happy I didn't give in to that addict that lives in my head and take my own life. I'm so happy now, living a sober life. Was it painful? Hell yeah. Was it easy? Hell no. Am I glad I went through it to get where I am now?! HELLLLL YES!!!!! I would also suggest calling a crisis outreach number or a suicide prevention number or something - I'm not sure where you are located, but there is a lot of help if you can just get a number to start with! Peace, Ashli
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Old 05-11-2013, 10:33 PM
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Ashli I don't know what the answer is for you...but despite your periods of drunkeness and sobriety ... you do have to put down the bottle...

I cleaned up when I was 20 and it was extremely difficult....and I went in fits and starts...

and I slammed hard in to my bottom

at this age I didn't understand much about powerless, nor god, nor turning it over....really nothing about the steps of AA/NA...

Just don't beat your self up...there is no shame nor should there be no guilt with what you are going through...

Just get through one day...call your family, your friends, people you trust...

get yourself in for a medical check up

you are not alone
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Old 05-11-2013, 10:35 PM
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I have found when I feeling like drinking and my mind is going 1000 mph.
I go for a long walk and the fresh air clears my head or I call a friend and we go out for coffee.

Also I REFUSE to let the "Demon" win!!
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