Hi Ashli - the only person or thing stopping you from doing this is you! You CAN do this, and you WILL do this, when you are ready. You may be ready now, and need some additional help - which to me, it sounds like you do, whether that's at rehab, or with a counselor, or something else. I feel like your post is very desperate, and I can empathize with that - there were so many times I didnt feel like I belonged in this world either and wanted to end my life. But now that I'm sober, I'm so happy I didn't give in to that addict that lives in my head and take my own life. I'm so happy now, living a sober life. Was it painful? Hell yeah. Was it easy? Hell no. Am I glad I went through it to get where I am now?! HELLLLL YES!!!!! I would also suggest calling a crisis outreach number or a suicide prevention number or something - I'm not sure where you are located, but there is a lot of help if you can just get a number to start with! Peace, Ashli