Originally Posted by
lizatola 
It's part of who he is, and I need to learn to accept it, or move on.
"Accepting it" and "moving on" are not mutually exclusive, you know. "Accepting" does NOT mean it's OK, or that you have to live with it. It merely means facing reality rather than making excuses for what he is doing, or somehow twisting it around so it is your fault, or pretending it isn't there. Now, having ACCEPTED the reality, you still have the choice of continuing to subject yourself to it, or moving on.
Originally Posted by
lizatola
For now, AH is making good changes and is amiable and things are actually OK(not great, but OK and I see glimpses of who I married those many years ago). The catch is that I have to avoid touchy subjects and relationship issues, drinking related topics, etc.
Yeesh! So as long as you continue to walk on eggshells, it's OK? As long as you sacrifice your right to free speech and monitor yourself constantly so you don't upset him? Sounds like a pretty stressful way to live!
No doubt there were many slaves during the time of slavery who felt it "wasn't so bad" as long as they kept the master happy and didn't rock the boat. I would suggest that having a "not so bad" life is pretty pale in comparison to being free, to being a real partner in a relationship.
I'm not sure why you think you want to settle for this.