Onipar, I think you are doing tremendously well, considering the load of crap you have suddenly been hit with and are trying to absorb! Pat yourself on the back for keeping that even keel and open mind. It's a lot, and it's tough.
I hope you do go to an Alanon meeting and that you do find some help there; it can really help to lighten that load, especially in the early days.
Wishing you well.