Trying to find out more
I've started to learn about ACoA and am not really sure where I stand with it all.
I did not grow up in an abusive household, neither of my parents drank or used drugs, but they did come from abusive households themselves. I know that they both attended meetings and worked recovery programs, but in the end they split up. Looking back on the times before the divorce I have never felt that the family was quite right. Things felt tense and broken at times. There was a lot of triggering for both of my parents, a lot of frustration, but at the same time it feels like they really did try to let us know what was going on and that it wasn't our fault.
As an adult I was shocked to find that a lot of my "problems" kind of fit into ACoA behavior. I don't form relationships with other people, they feel abrasive and uncomfortable to me, I am afraid of angry people and authority figures, I am very hard on myself and have a difficult time accepting that other people can be wrong and I can be right. Sometimes I feel like I am incapable of forming my own opinions and require the opinions of other people instead.
It just seems bizarre that these characteristics would manifest themselves in me when both of my parents were aware of what happened to them and tried to fix it. I've been told I should see someone but I can't afford it right now, and I'm not really sure what to do about all this. The revelation was very sudden and it's a lot to take in.