Yes, looking back I see many things that could have been eye-openers for me, but just weren't.
The first one for me was so maddening it made me shake. I went to do his laundry and out of his pockets came some little box of "cop mints" or something like this. Mints you're supposed to eat to cover up the alcohol on your breath.
He doesn't drive so I wasn't worried that he was drinking and driving, but the fact that he had these mints made me think that he was drinking behind my back and it enraged me.
When I confronted him about them, he said that he wasn't drinking and without even skipping a beat he was able to come up with this story that he liked the flavor of them and they helped his sinus condition.
I said angrily, well if you need mints for your sinuses and you're not drinking, then buy some effing other mints!!!
And we never talked about it again. But what kind of denial was I in where I must have believed him at some level that he was not drinking?
So pathetic. I just moved on with our lives...
Until the next thing would happen. It had to happen in our marriage maybe 4-5 times before I finally got myself to an Al Anon meeting. I'd thought about it before then, but just told myself it wasn't really a problem. Well, I was wrong.
There were so many sneaky things. Times he said I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I'll meet you in the car...in which he was actually chewing on pot leaves to get high.
Times where he said he was gonna go for a late night walk -- where I really thought he just wanted to go for a walk and have some time to himself since he doesn't really get out without a license and said he'd be talking to his family or friends on the phone....in which he was actually walking to bars and drinking and coming home super late.
It makes me sick to my stomach to think of all the hiding and sneaking. Lying straight to my face. Ugh.
But now I'm starting to get it. I'm not dealing with my husband. I'm dealing with addiction and it's a totally different beast of a thing.
I have a security stick lock up against my front door and I can't tell you how much better I feel coming home each time knowing that my husband could not get in here no matter how much he wanted to.
I have to keep the addiction OUT. And yeah, more and more things keep coming to mind where I see the manipulation which just stand to remind me that I'm so glad I told him to leave the house 3 weeks ago.
And Laurie -- LOVE that frog situation. Such a GREAT way to describe what we go through!