Allfor - structured time like you describe makes sense...thank you.
I see that I am so nervous to have anything to do with him right now. It feels sooo weird and unnatural to feel that way too.
Like I texted him back telling him thank you re: the money and pls leave it at the front desk at his hotel so i can pick it up.
Was thinking he would say okay. And then we stop talking.
Instead he asks what the money situation is and which bill is due next -- and instead of seeing him as wanting to help, I feel scared about getting into any conversation with him so I just say:
I'm borrowing some money. If you want to contribute some money great. Let me know when it is at the front desk. If not okay. But I can't talk about this all with you right now.
Then he stopped texting me again.
So ----
What I learned here.
I don't want to talk to him about anything. Even money that he's trying to help out with.
If I could do it over I would either not respond at all ... Or I would say, "I am fine. Please don't contact me about money or anything else. Thank you I love you. "
I feel even an inch of contact with him is not good for me right now -- even when it sounds sane like him offering money for our bills.
If he really wanted me to have money, he could give it to a friend and they could give it to me. He could mail it to me. Or he could give it to his sponsor to give to me.
Instead he texted me about it -- to engage with me and I just fell for it because it sounded so sane, responsible and "changed" of him.
He may have been well intentioned, but this is where I am with not really trusting him.
Yuck. It is so awful to worry about everything my husband does as a potential manipulation.
But that's where things are right now - it's okay.
I am grateful he stopped texting me when I said I can't talk about it anymore.
Sending love and learning more about myself as much as I can stand.
I need to be careful of my serenity. And I'm glad I backed out of the conversation as soon as I realized I was feeling off. That's a big step for me.
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