Npk1986

Hello,

My sobriety date is 12/13/12 and I have not had a drink or drug since. However I have had one grey area issue after I took a 30 day coin that my old sponsor, a trusted fellow, another trusted fellow and a member of my dignitaries sympathies group did not consider a relapse. I was sitting in my room playing video games and had two DayQuil gel caps sitting on my desk. I am a very messy person so if you know me personally the fact I have random DayQuil caplets on my desk wouldn't be a surprise. I can assure you, myself and my higher power that I had no intention of trying to get high or was seeking relief via mind and mood altering substances, but I just took them compulsively, like I was on Auto Pilot. I literally remember the experience as they were randomly on my desk, then the foil pack was empty because I consumed them. I freaked out about the incident and couldn't believed it just happened like that. I waited a day and played this mental roller-coaster, attempted to share it in a meeting, then I finally called my sponsor who said it was not a relapse. Still felt crappy about it and went to my Dignitaries group in which no one responded to me with feedback. I literally shared it then the next person gave feedback about the person who shared before. I was told it wasn't a relapse, I don't believe it's a relapse but I am finding that having a character defect where I am scared of being judged is overwhelming me a lot. I am going to share this with my new sponsor tomorrow and he was at that dignitaries meeting I was at and see what he thinks. This addiction stuff can be frustrating!