michellec,
My boyf of a year and a half is also an alcoholic and we have recently ended the relationship. I am in the middle of trying to understand and work everything out in my head and alter that way of thinking that has been impressed on me by him that I am the one with issues, not him! I understand a lot of your mixed emotions as I am feeling just as confused. We also had plans to move in, marry, have kids but whenever I think about 'losing' that I try to ask myself if I would ever want to bring children into that life?
The use of manipulation causes us to question ourselves so we don't question them as much. I know that one of the main reasons that my ex doesn't want me around is because I cause him to question what he is doing and he doesn't like it. He might actually have to admit to HIMSELF he has a problem. Definitely doesn't make it any easier for those of us who love them but know that there are a lot of people here who identify strongly with what you are going through, myself included!