Hi! Here's the story:
I am 26 year old male who has been abusing substances/weed/alcohol since the age of 12. To top off the list smoking cigarettes loose women & gambling.
I am on 40mg/Citralopram daily & 150mg nightly of Seroquel for close to 4 years as well.
I want to stop doing all of these things!
I have been going to the local resource center for the past few months to occupy my mind & take in some sober time. Mainly because of a woman that works there who I am in love with. She is happily married with kids at home & I of course am an addict. So I realize it will never happen but the thoughts of her keep me going, a reason to set my alarm in the mornings. Something to work towards telling myself things like "this is why you cant get her" , "She'll never want you like this". Just the thoughts of her now make me warm inside.
I have never really told her how I feel. I get too nervous to ask her out to even be my "friend" outside of her work. I wrote her a love letter of sorts one night & ripped it up in the morning.
About 2 weeks ago I was walking home drunk & high...
This lady I adore is walking to her car & I made a complete fool of myself (from the bits I do remember) In turn, later that night I was into an argument with a neighbor over foolishness & returned with a knife, luckily he was nowhere to be found...
Ashamed of my actions I quit drinking for about 9-10 days with maybe a beer or 2 along the way, still not stopping the drugs... Then returned to it & got drunk for about 3 days straight. Wasting all my remaining money... It's Sunday now, I haven't drank all day, just smoking stuff.
I want to give up my bad habits for good.
I am left confused: how to or if to resume my relationship with this woman...
Maybe I should just print this page & hand it to her..?
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