pastor

Hi! Here's the story:
I am 26 year old male who has been abusing substances/weed/alcohol since the age of 12. To top off the list smoking cigarettes loose women & gambling.
I am on 40mg/Citralopram daily & 150mg nightly of Seroquel for close to 4 years as well.

I want to stop doing all of these things!

I have been going to the local resource center for the past few months to occupy my mind & take in some sober time. Mainly because of a woman that works there who I am in love with. She is happily married with kids at home & I of course am an addict. So I realize it will never happen but the thoughts of her keep me going, a reason to set my alarm in the mornings. Something to work towards telling myself things like "this is why you cant get her" , "She'll never want you like this". Just the thoughts of her now make me warm inside.
I have never really told her how I feel. I get too nervous to ask her out to even be my "friend" outside of her work. I wrote her a love letter of sorts one night & ripped it up in the morning.

About 2 weeks ago I was walking home drunk & high...
This lady I adore is walking to her car & I made a complete fool of myself (from the bits I do remember) In turn, later that night I was into an argument with a neighbor over foolishness & returned with a knife, luckily he was nowhere to be found...



Ashamed of my actions I quit drinking for about 9-10 days with maybe a beer or 2 along the way, still not stopping the drugs... Then returned to it & got drunk for about 3 days straight. Wasting all my remaining money... It's Sunday now, I haven't drank all day, just smoking stuff.

I want to give up my bad habits for good.
I am left confused: how to or if to resume my relationship with this woman...

Maybe I should just print this page & hand it to her..?


.

Dee74

I don't want to come across as being cruel...but as far as I can see, there is no relationship, Pastor...not the way you'd like it.

I think you really need to let this one go.

Focus on you and what you need to do to get better.

D

FeenixxRising

Time to let it go Pastor, she is married. IMO, you're being obsessive and I think you realize as much, hence your post. As Dee stated, focus on you what you need to do to have "real" life for yourself. There are plenty of single women out there; becoming infatuated with a married woman you will never have a relationship with isn't a good thing.

Gottalife

Keep away Pastor. By the sound of it you are a hairs breadth away from being locked up. There is no future in the path you are on. From experience, alcoholics, drinking and newly sober, are not great on feelings. For the first while I was sober I wouldn't have known an honest feeling if I fell over it.

My existence for years had been driven by the need to satisfy my basic instincts - sex, security, etc. and this wasn't fixed by just giving up drinking. I had to grow up, basically.

The worst question anyone could ask me in early sobriety was "how are you feeling". What a stupid question! I had no idea what I was feeling, but boy, I was feeling it.
Needless to say I was not in a position to form any romantic attachment with anyone, let alone another man's wife - there is only unhappiness and misery down that road.