Originally Posted by
ShootingStar1 
I think you may be making it harder for yourself by putting a time limit on how long you need to be living apart from him. Why, for instance, 2 months? Why not 3 or 9? All the time designation does is make you focus on whether you will be ready to see him, not see him, live with him, not live with him, in a certain amount of time.
I think that diverts from the real issue which is going through your recovery as completely and as focused as you can be. Because, the farther you get in your recovery, the more clearly you will see what the most useful next step is.
You just can't see that far now, no one can. And leaving the "what will happen next" question to sort it out when it is time to sort it out will also let him concentrate on his recovery, or not.
ShootingStar1
Hi Shootingstar --
I felt like I needed a time frame just to give myself some space. Like a container. I suppose I could have just said I don't know when I want to talk to you again or see you or when you can come back home, but we just have to stop contact right now. Indefinitely.
When I meditated and sat with it, 2 months just felt right for me to have some space and then for us to be able to check in again.
I have to trust that it is okay -- and I hope I'm able to make use of the space I've carved out for myself now.
I'm still having to work with turning my husband over to God instead of worrying that he's dead in his hotel room.
His one friend who knows what he's going through right now and that he's out of the house, came to a picnic that I was at yesterday and said, "Where's X? He said he was going to be here." I shook my head no.
Originally, I was planning on taking him to the picnic, but after Thursday it changed. It concerned me that he did not call his friend to tell him about the 2 month thing and gave me more fodder for the nightmare of him hurting himself that night.
<sigh>
I am continuing to try to redirect my attention to turning my husband over to God. As my sponsor said, it's not that I can tell myself not to think about him. Better that I allow myself to think about him if I'm going to, but that I think of him with love and turn him over to my Higher Power over and over and over.
<tears>
I am not doing well. I feel like I am messing everything up.
I'm going to go to call my GP on Monday and see about getting an appointment for an anti-depressant.
I took one several years ago for 1 year and it made a huge difference in raising my "base line" again so I could have my head above water. Maybe that would help me again now. My physical health is suffering and I feel like I'm drowning.