Emotional Time Isn't Linear
What I have discovered is that, for me, emotional time is not linear.
What I mean by that is I will deal with my feelings of hurt, or anger, or abandonment, or grief and get through to some important insight. Then a new incident happens, and I again feel the same intensity of my initial feelings of anger or grief as if I hadn't processed them.
It is as if time looped back and I retouched the initial fierce feelings as intensely as if they were the first time.
But I can then think about it and recapture my insights more readily and maybe gain some more. And over time, I spend less and less time in those painful emotional places, and the times are farther and farther apart.
I think it may be related to PTSD where we are actually re-triggering the initial neurological path to our initial feelings. Anybody know anything about that? I'll have to ask my psychiatrist.
I ran away from my abusive AH last July 4th, and finally signed the divorce papers with him 3 weeks ago. These past 10 months have been a rollercoaster of feelings for me as I've worked through to a pretty good place in recovery. My story is in a post on the "What Is Abuse" sticky at the top of the Friends and Families main page.
The book that helped me the most is The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships by Patrick Carnes, PH.D.
Keep on going no contact. This man isn't worth your grief. Or to put it more hopefully, you are worth so much more than the grief this man brings with him.
ShootingStar1